Despite the economic woes facing the American car industry, it's summertime and that can only mean one thing: the family road trip. Families make detailed plans, pack as much as their vehicle can hold, and hit the open road, looking forward to new states, cities, historical and natural landmarks.
When 'Families' Aren't Recognized
But for gay and lesbian families, planning extends beyond the usual worries about having enough diapers and Band-Aids. As a lesbian couple, both of us moms, my partner and I end up asking ourselves the following questions as we plan a trip from Wisconsin to California.What if we get into a car accident in Arizona? Would copies of our Wisconsin-drafted legal documents be taken as valid or would our fate be similar to that of Janice Langbehn? Langbehn’s partner collapsed while on vacation in Miami and although she had documentation of their relationship and a power of attorney, hospital officials told her she wasn’t a family member under Florida law. They refused her access to her dying partner. Would a hospital in Utah recognize our power of attorney if our child develops a high fever and allow both of us in the emergency room?
Not an "Open Road" for Everyone
As we think about these "what ifs," the iconic images of freedom and the open road turn to images of fear. And the dreamed-of road trip that included the Grand Canyon and quaint, out of the way roads is gone. Since we are not legally recognized, and people are not prone to acknowledge our family as a family, we might be better off with a short plane trip.Census 2000 counted 601,209 same-sex unmarried partner households in the United States, according to the Urban Institute. That is a 314 percent increase from 1990. That same report shows that gay and lesbian families live in 99.3 percent of all counties in the United States.
All these families, like mine, don't have access to over 1,000 federal and state legal benefits that our family is denied simply for being who we are - two women who love each other and decided to raise a child.
Fairness Varies From Sea to Shining Sea
Nationally recognized marriage equality is about so much more than the recognition of our love for each other. It is a validation of our status as citizens and a promise of equal treatment under the law and the security of knowing that there are protections for our daughter and each other.While there is no question that there are some issues better left up to each individual state to decide, the issue of fairness and full citizenship should not be something that varies from state-to-state.
Marriage Equality Means Family Acceptance
Because my family’s rights change from state to state, we can't take part in such a simple American tradition as a cross-country road trip. The peace of mind that over 600,000 gay and lesbian families, including our own, get when we see a sign of welcome - an LGBT business association sticker at a restaurant or a rainbow flag - is immeasurable.Marriage equality multiplies this sign of acceptance a hundred fold. It means that a two-mom family like ours will be able to go anywhere in America knowing that hospitals, police, hotels, and services would recognize our family by our word. We would become like any other ordinary family taking a road trip in their minivan.
